5 Ways to Minimize or Avoid Autistic Meltdowns
They may feel completely irrational and baseless, but there is usually a very real (and very avoidable) reason for them
If you’ve ever experienced a child’s Autistic meltdown, you know all about the intensity and the stresses involved. They can come from nowhere, and be physically and emotionally draining for not just your child, but the whole family.
But what if they could be predicted? And if they could be predicted - maybe they could be avoided completely?
Here’s some tips.
1. Remember your child probably has a very literal understanding of language
I will never forget the first time it hit home to me just how literal my child’s understanding of language was. I was very stressed and overwhelmed, and asked my gorgeous (but chatterbox) child to just “please give me a minute of quiet”. He sat there beside me in the car quietly, but audibly, counting down from 60.
Since this time, we have had countless episodes and situations filled with upset, distress and full-on melt downs. Often when we sat and analysed what had gone on afterwards, we have realised much of it has stemmed from his literal understanding of language, and my liberal use of specifics.
So, when I said I need to go to the shop, and then proceeded to go to another (we rarely got past one extra) - it would evolve into the mother of all melt downs. I didn’t mention the second shop.
You get the point!
2. Get to know your child’s sensory needs
Enter situations prepared with the approach, equipment and resolve needed to help your child through it with minimal distress.
Whether your child is; always on the go, enjoys more sedentary activities, loves and makes noise, or becomes distressed by the slightest unexpected sound (or both!), avoids touching anything, or touches everything - make a conscious point of getting to know what they like and seek, and what they can’t handle.
Knowledge is power, you need to become a detective of your child’s behaviour and responses.
If you can do this, your life will be a lot easier as you try to navigate situations and experiences. Sensory input can also be the cause of a lot of school anxiety, so try to become more sensory aware.
3. Don’t assume your child understands what a situation requires
Again, use of language is important here.
As parents we often assume that our child will have a level of understanding when it comes to situations and routines that have been done a number of times, and then get upset when they don’t do what we expect.
Yes, I know what you are thinking, this is the adult getting stressed not the child. However, when adults become annoyed, stressed or upset, that has a knock on effect and often leads to your child becoming distressed as they are being told off when they have “done nothing wrong”.
This can not only be stressful for parents, but can cause a lot of upset for your child as they simply don’t know what you expect from them. Whether it is something as simple as “get ready for school”, “tidy your room”, or something more complex, it can be overwhelming for your child trying to navigate their way through situations with minimal information, regardless of whether they have done it 10 times before.
They are not (always) trying to annoy you. Often they just don’t read situations, are distracted by their own thoughts or interests or simply hadn’t associated the thing they do with the outcome.
For years when sending my son to bed I have reminded him to “go upstairs quietly” because his sister is already in bed. However, if I don’t also add “quiet feet, quiet hands, quiet mouth” he will ‘accidentally’ make a racket, not realising how heavy and loud his feet are, or that hitting his hands off each step as he charges up the stairs on all fours makes a lot of noise. He thinks he just has to not make a noise with his mouth!
Be specific in your instructions and expectations, use checklists to help your child work through a list of tasks without feeling that they are being nagged or ‘forced’ to do things, and to help them keep to task.
4. Give your child a reason for the things they are being asked to do (or not do)
A lot of our children struggle with demand, and perceived demand. Whether they have been formally recognised as having ‘demand avoidance’ or not. It often becomes a bigger issue when there is anxiety around situations, or their general anxiety / stress levels are already at their peak.
I learned very early on in my child’s school career to explain that whilst I understand he doesn’t like or want to go to school, he has to go to school because the government say so. It’s not up to mummy and daddy, and if he doesn’t go, mummy and daddy could get in a lot of trouble.
I know, it sounds awful doesn’t it! And for a long time I wasn’t sure whether it was the right thing to do, after all I didn’t want to scare him that mummy and daddy could get in a lot of trouble. However, over the years we have found it to be far more beneficial to give a basic explanation for things that cause distress.
We had not written off the possibility of home-schooling.
Had we talked about home-schooling with him, he would probably have tried to force that outcome. As a business owner, and an OT with lots of children to help, this would not have been an easy option!
If school anxiety had continued to worsen or his grades indicated he was unable to learn in that setting, we would have had to take action. But instead, he began to excel academically, and with far less resistance to attending.
He still grumbles about attending to this day, but he accepts and tries his hardest.
By giving an explanation that removes us as parents from being the people ‘forcing’ him to do things he didn’t like, or found tough - it made it easier for him to accept. We were no longer the bad guys, and therefore we could offer him comfort and strategies to help manage the situations with which he was struggling.
This is the same whether it is the internet going down, or him not eating too much sugary food. They were never excuses, just valid explanations that made it easier to cope with and understand.
5. Exercise
If you have read any of my other articles you will start to see a theme emerge when it comes to exercise. It helps manage anxiety, dampen down sensory sensitivities, and (if used frequently enough) will help reduce melt downs as your child is better able to regulate their emotions.
Any personal trainer or physiotherapist can tell you the benefits of exercise in the management and even prevention of anxiety and depression, as well as maintaining good physical health and maintaining a healthy weight.
They are not lying.
Exercise is crucial for everyone, but it can be especially helpful for those of us who are autistic, have sensory challenges or anxiety.
Exercise releases ‘happy hormones’, but it also stimulates the Vestibular (movement and balance) and Proprioceptive (body awareness) senses that help to regulate our nervous system, and prevent our ‘fight, flight, freeze’ response from kicking in.
Movement and heavy muscle work, whether it is a brisk walk, ride on a bike or scooter, a play in the park, a swim or working against resistance, helps to dampen the sensory responses and thereby aids concentration and reduces sensory overload. It provides the release of pressure that (if done consistently) will help your child to feel calmer and be less reactive to situations that might have previously led to a melt down.
Thanks for reading! For more advice, support and helpful strategies, check out my other articles.